I know...

I know, it's been over a month since I have posted anything... It's been a rough month. I will admit, and I have been a bit depressed. So I didn't feel like sharing my experience anymore. I am completely done with treatment though. My last radiation was on Tuesday, April 27th. It was a day to celebrate for sure and I rang the bell to signify my last treatment. But I really didn't feel like celebrating. I felt horrible. My neck was burned and cracking and peeling. I felt so weak that I could barely walk on my own and I felt so sick. I couldn't get the calories that I needed and what I did get, I threw up. My mouth was in so much pain and I felt like my throat was closing. I couldn't talk or swallow well. My doctor put me on a steroid to hopefully help my throat open up and get me to get more calories, otherwise I was getting a feeding tube. Which the feeding tube would be going in directly through my stomach and even though I may only need it for 3 weeks, I would have to leave it in for 3 months. And I felt horrible enough that I considered it and almost just had it done that day. But my doctor told me to try the steroid first. I agreed and thankfully I did. It has made all the difference in the world. My throat is open and I am getting 1,400 calories in a day and not throwing up! Small successes :) I still lost 20 lbs but maintaining that. I definitely don't want to lose any more. But now I am more determined than ever to just keep positive and get feeling better every day. I am pretty impatient, of course, but I think that helps with the determination. I can talk a little more every day and it is pretty strenuous for me but I am getting there. I still have to be on my pain meds and I can't taste or eat yet and lord knows, I cannot wait for that!! I am definitely ready. It's been 6 weeks since I have eaten or tasted anything. This girl is ready! It will be good to get more food in as well so that I can start working on my strength as well. I have lost all my muscle so that will be my next goal once the food comes back to work on getting my muscle back too. Keep thinking of me and sending good thoughts and prayers my way! I love you all and thank you for your never-ending support and love. I really do appreciate it and I am sorry for not updating like I should have. But I hope you understand. :)